You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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