just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
