Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
