its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
