Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
