U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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