Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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