3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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