last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
