Jerry, you need to find god
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
