Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
