if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
