Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
