Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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