She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Two words: blizzard sex
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
