listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
