i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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