Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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