when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
