good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
