she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
