Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
