I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this must be what syphilis tastes like
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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