god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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