I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
