Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
