so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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