im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
