wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
