I'm pants shitting drunk right now
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
