My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We need to get me chipped asap
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
