I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
