Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
