She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
