Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
