I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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