True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
