i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
