paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's Friday. Sex?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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