he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
