We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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