y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
