How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
