her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
