I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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