Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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