My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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