fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
