i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
