HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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