My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
