This is not my ceiling
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
