wat bout pragnant strippers??
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
