he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
