Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
