Your dad touched me again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
