If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
