dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
