I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
