I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
